*Originally published 3/10/16*
Last night, while I was trying to sleep at my grandparents house, I started having excruciating pain all over but mainly in my abdomen. I don't normally ask to go to the hospital but after the 3rd call to my mom, in tears, I asked to be brought. After being there for almost 8 hours, we found out nothing. You don't know true helplessness until you're sobbing,waiting to be carried to the car, to be taken to the hospital a place where they won't be able to help you much because you feel like you are going to die if you don't. Or when you're 18 and your parents are afraid to leave you alone because you're too sick. Helplessness is wishing the hospital would find something wrong so for once you'd be able to find some relief. There's not a day that goes by that I wish I never had gotten sick. There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel my life slipping through my fingers. The pain I'm in is unbearable. The things that go on inside my body feel like my own body rejects me. I'm tired of not feeling any better. I'm tired of trying things with no improvement. But most of all I'm tired of feeling hopeless and helpless.
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